I am blessed to say that I was born into a family of love. Both of my parents had struggled their whole lives to feel love, to be loved unconditionally, and to be cared for by someone. These struggles paved the way for me to live in the most loving household that I know. If we said "I love you" once a day, we probably said it thirty times a day. We knew not just by words that we were loved, we knew by actions.
My parents' struggles in early life and adulthood, led to a protection around me. I knew what it was like to have a safe place. I knew what it was like to have a home. I knew what it was to be adored, loved, and cared, and not because of things I did. I had all of this because of who my parents were and just because they loved me so.
It was outside of this home, this safe place, that I felt the first pains, fears of inadequacy, and where I was given my first scars. Sadly, these were all by the same people that did this to my parents.
Even before I was born, some of these people proved that I was unwanted by them. Telling my mom to get an abortion. When I was born, yet another girl in my mother's family tree, I felt resemblance of pains my mom went through as a child. I was the unwanted, second rate granddaughter. When I was at my mother's childhood home, I would relate to Cinderella growing up because I was the one to clean as my cousins played. I was the one that was "lucky enough" to be invited that I would have to do "my part" to show my thankfulness. I would feel like how I was treated was my fault. I would try to hide all of it from my parents. When the truth came out, we would break away from the family. We would later forgive and try again. The scars never truly healed. I never let them in again. I often wonder if I did the right thing but not letting them into my life.
I was not wanted on either side of the family. I was the sixth grandchild on the other side, my father's family tree. At the time, I was only the second granddaughter. But I was the outcast from my first breaths. The product of a second marriage in a very Christian household, I was frowned upon. I was being punished in front of my face by the love given to all of my cousins and my older siblings. These pains, and how I saw my family treated by "family" over the years, led me to be mad at God. Christians tell me, and showing me, that I was not good enough for them or for their God.
As I grew up, my family reconnected with old friends, people that had been a second family to my Dad. I felt love and companionship that I had not felt with anyone outside of my small family for years. We joined their church. We became family. At this church, and in this family, I gave my heart to the Lord. I remember feeling so loved, so adored. Over time I saw how some were being favored within the church. I learned that all families have their hurt and disagreements. However, I remember when this "family" gave up on us. I learned that arguments and disagreements end friendships. I learned that there was no forgiveness in the church, within family, or within any relationship.
My parents made up for the lack of love that I had elsewhere with the in the love and attention that are home was filled with. If it were not for them, I do not think I would be able to fathom the love that God has for us. If it were not for them, I don't think I would have ever come back to God. It took me years in my adulthood to realize that God's love and relationship with us, is like that of my relationship with my parents. I could do wrong, but I will be forgiven. I could disagree, but still be accepted. I could be different, think differently, and be loved. Nothing that I do or have done, earned my parents' love; the same with God.
I am so very thankful for my parents. I am thankful for what they have showed me. I am thankful that they never gave up on me. I am so very thankful that they showed me the Love of God in their home and taught me through His Word.
I am thankful to my God for blessing me with my family and showing me a glimpse of His great love for me. I am lucky to call myself not just the daughter of my loving parents, but also the daughter of the ONE, TRUE KING!
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