I never wanted it

I think I most identify with Moses when he is telling God that he is not good enough, that he can't speak the words correctly, that someone else can do the job better.

"Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” (source: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%204) 

 Like Moses, I have argued for many years that I don't want to share my story. I don't think anyone will want to hear it. Why would anyone want to hear it? There has to be someone that has it all together, someone that hasn't been broken to share their story. But over and over again this has come to mind, "What better to show the light of God then the broken pot?"

I went to an event "At the Well" a couple of weeks ago, when I wrote on the back of my program some thoughts.  I tend to do this a lot. I write to get the words out because if I don't, I feel haunted by them. They play on repeat. I have written for years, mostly poetry and some short stories. Nothing at all like the beautiful things written in Psalms.

The event had charms that represented the journey of each of the remarkable women sharing their stories. I wrote "What should be my charm? If something were to represent the journey that God took my through, what would it be? Is there a charm for excuses? When am I going to stop making excuses like Moses, and just share my story? Each story matters. Each story can be used to glorify God and to bring someone to Him for the first time. So just step up and get out of your comfort zone. God did not create you to be a creature of fear, to let that fear be your god! He created you in His image and to put no other God before Him. So say goodbye to the fear, let it all go, and step up to share your story!"

My writing changed from focusing on me to focusing on how my story can be used to glorify God. It changed from focusing on my excuses to telling myself to basically just "get over it and do what you are suppose to be doing."

So here I am, trying to turn my rambling mess into a story.