Another chapter

Last weekend, while listening to my church's service, I realized I am even more like Moses and his people.  Our pastor said that Moses and the Israelites were brought to the Jordan river to cross into the promise land.  There were scouts sent out beforehand, they all came back with doubt. This doubt spread through the people, and even though some thought they could make it, the doubt won out. God wasn't going to push them forward but needed them to learn to follow Him through faith. This happened through the arc of the covenant and the tabernacle pillars.  When the pillar of fire was present, the people knew to camp. When the pillar of clouds was present, the people knew to move. Much like I do as a teacher, God used the teaching method of overcorrection. For this method, when a student disobeys like running down the hall, the student is made to go back to where they started and walk back to their destination. God used this method with the two tabernacle pillars. When the people saw the fire, even in the middle of the day, they stopped and set up camp. When the people saw the clouds, even in the night or after a recent set up, the people would pack up and move on. This was building trust and teaching obedience.

Now, what does this have to do with my story? A lot, to say the least. I've told you that I'm a stubborn learner. I have to learn by doing, and usually by failing at first.  I have had many lessons, trials, that seem like I'm going through the same vicious cycle over and over again. I've had the same type of friendships come and go, same financial situations, same cycles of depression and anxiety, and so on. I cry out to God, "Why is this happening again? Why are you punishing me? I've been through this already, I've learned, I promise. Just stop it all."  Like many scholars have said, history repeats itself unless we learn from it. So I thought that was all I needed, was to learn from the situation, try a new tactic the next time. What I didn't realize is that I just needed to stop at my Jordan river. Every time I try to come up with a plan, start off on my own, or even let doubt take over, God sends me back out to the desert so I can try again. If I am going to get across my Jordan river, to my promise land, I need to turn to Him. Not just turn to Him for a couple of prayers, but stop and turn to Him in prayer until He says to go. I need to trust in Him completely that if He has taken me through this much, through years in my own desert, that He can move my Jordan River, and He can deliver me. It is time for my next chapter to begin, but this time I am starting it with Him!