He didn't say it would be easy

Since my dad's passing, my family and I have had our share of struggles: financially, emotionally, and spiritually. During all of this, yes I did get angry at God. What child doesn't get mad at their parent during a time of learning? I mean if my learning how to ride a bike or drive a car is any indication of how stubborn I am at learning, God definitely had his hands full with me.

However, during this time and because of a good friend, I found a new church. I church that is absolutely and completely different than anything I have every witnessed. It is huge! It spans countries kind of huge! I thought I would miss the small church but found comfort in our life groups and made friends there that have welcomed me into their lives. I was lucky enough to be able to introduce this church to my mom, who lives in Pennsylvania.  We were able to start attending church together online. I still had my hissy fits. I still became mad at God when it looked like everything was going wrong. But He never, not once, gave up on me. He was there for every prayer, every tear, through it all.

One particular trial had me at a breaking point. I was struggling in many aspects of my life. God led me to start reading "Battlefield of the Mind' by Joyce Meyer. I read this every day and prayed very hard for things to change. God placed me in a different school. God helped me with my anxiety and depression. God has helped me financially.  I'm not rich, I couldn't be with my career choice. Through others and job opportunities, He has provided each and every way. During these struggles, He helped me get over myself and my pride.  He taught me it was okay to ask others, including Him, for help.

This January, I was determined to come back to God, again. I started regularly attending online services. I worked on changing my thought processes and my prayer life. I am a work in progress, and will be until the day I am home with Him. However, I am loved. I am adored. I am His. No matter how many times I get angry and run away, He will be there welcoming me Home with open arms.  I can stumble and fall, and He will still love me. There is nothing I can do to stop His love; just as there is nothing I can do to earn it.

Thank you Father for all that you have done for me! Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for continually forgiving me and helping me to become the person You have created me to be.